At the request of Jon Schmitt, I am posting again:

I went to Judo tonight. Everyone is stronger than me. I'm all hurty now.

I'm back from Annual Training. All my bitching was in vain because I had an exceptionally good time. I know I like getting into a rhythm and just keeping to it over the summer (I've decided I hate summer, btw) but I'm quite happy I did AT. I don't feel like a stranger in my unit anymore, which will be nice if I ever get deployed with them again.

Oh, so I'm getting an oil change yesterday after I got off duty (in uniform), and a half hour of waiting goes by till the dude comes in with a really scared look on his face and something broken in his hands. The person that changed my oil last fucked up and put the oil cap on too tight, the heat from the engine deformed the cap, and when these d00ds tried to remove it *SNAP* and I can't get my car back till Monday or Tuesday. Thank God I don't work again until Tuesday evening.

S'yeh, I'm stuck at my mom's house through the weekend. Not a bad deal.

I got a shitty efficiency in Coralville, right between my job and the bars. Not a bad deal.

I'm a lifeguard for 8 bucks an hour. It keeps me from going insane, I guess. I don't need the money so much as I need to keep busy.

AT is coming up. God. I want out so fucking bad.

I wish it were September. Not because I'm miserable, but because despite the stress and the struggle this summer, there's nothing special about it. I'm doing stuff, but ultimately the motives are all hollow. There's no big show at the end of the summer.

In september I'll be about 2,000 bucks richer and three months tanner. Maybe I'll be in shape again.

Whoopdy do. I need to figure out why God didn't want me to march. I need to figure out why all my original plans are falling through. I'll puzzle why I'm here with no obligations but a pool to watch tonight when I'm sitting ion my apartment with no internet.

I'm in a new city now. Iowa City to be precise. I spent most of the morning applying for jobs and driving around my new city trying to figure out how it's set up.

I managed to find the business district of Coralville, which is an advantage because the restraunts there are awesome.

The North Liberty Pool just now called me, they wanna interview me like, yesterday. I'm gonna head that way so if I get lost I won't be late. Leave me some comments, I'm totally alone here.

Render unto others what you would render unto yourself.

Do not render unto others what you would not have them render unto you.

Render unto yourself what you would have others render unto themselves.

Do not render unto yourself what you would not have others render unto themselves.

Remember that a moral man would never make an exception of himself.

Remember that a man should not be treated as the means to an end, but as the end himself.

God may have created Hell for all the sinners of the world, but that does not mean there is anyone in it.

God and I have come to an understanding.

I have forgiven myself for seven years of denying Him. I've come to the realization that I believed all along. I'm certain that if he is God, he forgave me the moment I wronged.

I have quit smoking now and forever because I love Kerrie too much to make her watch me kill myself slowly. I smoked the lucky cigarette out of my pack backwards, and burned the rest of my pack in the barbeque. May 24th, 5:47 AM.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest tonight while I was watching a movie. Brandon and Carolyn were asleep. I knew it was just the ribs I broke a decade ago, but I concluded that the smoking could not be helping the friction on my lungs.

I went for a run this morning to prove to myself just what I've done to my body. I ended up walking back to clear my head.

That's where all of this came from. Laugh if you want to just because the movie I was watching was Kingdom of Heaven. For some reason, I think this revelation was long overdue.

I think I may try cleaner living this summer. Maybe Kerrie will help me buy some new clothes that I didn't wear right before I left for Afghanistan.